So I was thinking and praying and struggling with something all at the same time, well actually a couple of things, but one thing was this... I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. I always pictured my life being a career mom, just like my mom was, (And she did a great job!). So for the past 2 years, I have really struggled and fought against my decision to stay home. I thought it wasn't a good enough job, I thought about how much it cost for me to get a degree at Bethel College(Yikes!) I thought about my purpose as a mom, wife, believer in Christ. I thought about all these things and I heard a that small voice in my head tell me, "I have the greatest job in the world... Be grateful!" I have never thought about being home with my kids as the greatest job in the world! Are you kidding me I thought any job away from the kids would be the greatest job. I heard that as clear as day (not audibly). I know it was God speaking to me, because I have be struggling with and praying about this for the past 2 years. I seem to think that what the world is doing, is what I need to do. I think that I am wasting my college education, I think I am not contributing to helping pay down dept or pay for the expenses we have. I feel GUILTY for playing, laughing, reading, teaching, snuggling, hugging, kissing, wresting, and loving and building into my kids everyday. WHY? I have had a job since I was 14 years old. I worked for things I wanted and needed (although it was more wants than needs- my parents took care of the needs, what can I say I am their baby girl!).
So today I have heard it loud and clear, I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD! I don't want to trade it for anything I want to start embracing it and doing the best that I can for God's glory. I want to teach my children love God and to love others, even when they are unloveable. So, kids if you ever read this...Please forgive me for not giving my all, and thinking that my job was not as important as the banker down the street. I love being home with you, I love the flexibility of my life, I love waking up to you snuggling on my shoulder, and the way you ask for juice 100 times a day! I love the way you want to play hockey with me, or want me to read books, or play hide and seek (even when you hide in the same place every time). I love the way you kiss my head or belly when I say it hurts, and the constant smiles and giggles for no reaon. Jacon and Isabelle and baby #3 you are the greatest gift I have received, and I pray that I don't screw you up too much!
For anyone that reads this, please hold me accountable to remember that I have the greatest job in the world!
It is easy to fall into those trappings. We live in a culture where you are defined by what you do and what you have. I know when I first started staying at home with Cooper and I would be somewhere where I would get asked the "so what do you do?" question, I would often start with the little freelance web stuff I was doing. It seemed to cut down on the puzzled faces. Now I just don't care what people think. In fact, sometimes I get a kick out of the momentary shock some people get when I tell them what I do. It is usually followed up by a chance to brag about my wife.
ReplyDeleteThere can still be days for me when I miss adult interaction or working on something more mentally challenging than doing the laundry or searching for the allusive red crayon. But when I worked outside the home I had days at work where all I wanted to do was go home. So every job, even staying at home, has days where it looks greener on the other side.
Lastly, I don't think any education is a waste. The whole idea behind a liberal arts education is that education is more than career training. I think it is a great example to your children about the importance of education and about your choice to stay at home.
So congratulations. You are on call 24-7. There will be no job training, you will learn as you go. Your bosses will often be whinny and demanding, but at the end of the day you will still want to give them hugs and kisses.
Thanks Chad for the awesome encouragemnet, maybe you and I should come up with some day outings this spring and summer with kids so we can all have adult interaction and the kids can run around!
ReplyDeleteSteph, this is the best attitude to have, it will change the way you look at everything. And you are so right! Remember too you are fortunate that you have the opportunity to be home with your kids, many do not. God provides so you can do that. He wants you to do it. It is so important and I know that down the road you will literally see the positive difference it has made for your children. I always share with my friends who struggle with this question the thought that you rarely (if ever) hear a parent who says, "I wish I had not stayed home with my kids when they were young." But think about how many times you hear people say "I wish I had stayed home with my kids when they were young."
ReplyDeleteI feel so happy for you that you have found this peace.
Way to go Steph!
Personally, I'm jealous of your position! :) You really do have the best job, the most honorable job, the most important job in the world. And your wages are righteous children who will grow up to raise your righteous grandchildren and on and on throughout the generations.
ReplyDeletePraise God for women like you who are strong enough to stay home and be a mother 24/7.