Jacob has a very strong attachment to his daddy. He needs to be with him ever minute that he possibly can. If and when Brenton has to leave for work, golf, or whatever it is Jacob looses all his abilities to deal with reality. It was at 6:30am this morning when Brenton was getting ready to leave for work. Isabelle and I were awaken by Jake crying for his daddy. Last night we saw Brenton at work for a while and when we left Jake cried almost the whole way home(20 min). I know some of you have experienced this and seen Jake do this.
I feel bad for him, but at the same time I think this can not be normal. Jacob acts as if he will never see his dad again, and that life can not continue without him. What do I do? Do I discipline him for crying and screaming for being irrational? Do I try to reassure him that Dad will be returing? Do I ignore him? I worried that he's being scared by all these traumatic meltdowns. I know it's important for a father and son to have a close relationship, but when is it enough?
I had the same problem with Brianna. For the most part she's grown out of it.
ReplyDeleteCouple things I had to do before I left.
-Never sneak out, unless she was sleeping. To her that meant I somehow disappeared.
-Talk about something fun just her and I will do when I get home.
-Spend some time talking and huging before I left.
-After I did all that, then Nikki would start her redirection telling her what mom had planned for the day. (Going to the park, playing outside, watching a favorate movie, etc)
-Sometimes having a phone call during the day. She just started actually talking with me...it was mostly me saying hi, and reminding her I'll see her 'In a little bit'.
For the first few times she cried, then it got better.
Although its not a magic formula, just telling you our experience and what worked for Bri.
Oh and we watch SuperNanny all the time. I have used at least 2 techniques and they work.
ReplyDeleteThis was normal behavior for Nico as well. We dealt with the same thing. The thing that was the hardest at first, was that Joel would hold back from going and not just walk away. He would prolong the goodbye. That made it harder. Over time Nico realized that there are times that Daddy needs to be away. He still gets bummed and sad about it, but knows that they will do something when Dad gets home. Now we are trying to incorporate some time for Joel. It seems that everytime Joel walks in the door, Nico and him are off battling with light sabers or needing to play a game right away. We are trying to hold off Nico for maybe 10 - 15 min. right when Joel gets home. We spend that time talking as a couple or Joel sits and relaxes for a little bit first. By doing this, we are trying to show him that Mom and Dad need time too and sometimes Dad just needs a few minutes to himself. It's taken years and we are still working on it, so hang in there girl! It's hard now, but in a few years he isn't going to want to have anything to do with Dad! I hope it's not the case, but history has shown that it happens!
ReplyDeleteNOT MY JAKEY!!!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to many games of golf and baseball and watching the Maple Leafs. Having a son rocks.
How come no one has suggested that maybe Jacob just has a really great dad! I wouldn't want him to leave either.
(Jacob will probably have to learn humility from his mom.)