I realize this is an old photo of Isabelle, but it's an all too familiar scene in my daily life and routine with her. She is definitely my strong willed child. Today Brenton had to work from 9am til 10pm, so it was a long day, especially since I was going on about 4 good hours of sleep from being up with Andrew, plus Izzy got about a 30 min nap in the van while I was hanging out with my parents. But this is a typical behavior that she exhibits several times throughout the day. She can snap at the drop of a hat. It can be over wanting some more food, juice, a spanking, a firm tone, or just wanting to be held. She will throw her body down on the floor, kick her feet, scream and cry. She is difficult to console when this behavior starts. Please don't miss understand, there are moments when she tilts her head, smiles and something super cute comes out of her mouth that I forget she has this other side.
I am getting to the point where I am losing my mind during these tantrums. They are not a new behavior, I think I remember her coming out this way. She has always been a little more dramatic, emotional, and loud. I have always used the excuse that she is a girl and this is normal, but I am beginning to think it's more. I am really being tested with my patience with her. I don't know what to do, how to respond. Do I continue to discipline the behavior (that's what I've been doing, or do I ignore the behavior? Very hard to do in a public setting, and when I've been with her for 13 hours.
Do any of you have a strong willed child? What works for you, for dealing with the tantrums? Do they out grow this, or is it something to adapt to? I just continue to pray that her strong willed behaviors and personality will be used to glorify God someday, and that she will never be taken advantage of because she will and can hold her own.
YES, I do have a strong willed child. I think that's partly why we will have only two children and they are six years apart from each other!! : ) We are finding out that "other" things are going on. We are finding out that we maybe need to handle things differently. Our son is not able to "switch gears" very quickly and so we run into alot of attitude and when younger, tantrums. I find that if I set him up or completely tell him the plan, he tends to handle things better. If we reward like crazy the great things he does, we get a better attitude out of him. We certainly can talk in detail if you would like to hear more. We recently have been seeing a councelor to talk things through about his behavior and we weren't surprised necessarily, but she did indicate immediately some things as to why our child handles himself the way he does. So call me if you'd like! Izzy is an individual and not all children will act/react the same. Sorry for the lack of hope, but we are still learning and our child is 6.
ReplyDeleteI hold hope for you and you've seen the evidence in Holly. She was and is in some ways a strong willed child in fact when Dr. Dobson wrote the book about strong willed children I thought he had been following me around. It's not a bad idea to get the book but with 3 under 3 you may have to have someone willing to read it for you and give you the cliff notes version..let me tell you fight the battles that are necessary to win to establish your authority in her life but don't try to win them all..all are not necessary. When she and her mother are tired that's a good explanation why things aren't going to go well for either of you, don't choose those times to discipline. One very wise woman I knew said tantrums were to get attention so she would literally walk around her child until she got tired of it (the tantrum not the child) then she would send them to their room to perform the tantrum later they stopped because it's hard to get attention if no one is listening.
ReplyDeleteRemember her age and expect only age appropriate behavior and dscipline for bad behavior not childishness. Withhold if she refuses to use words that you know she is capable of and understands such as please, thank you instead of screaming, if she screams don't give it to her till she stops (did I say it was easy I hope not)...don't forget your main source of help..PRAYER! Hang in there....
Remember, there was only one strong willed little girl that I knew and that was YOU! Now look how beautifully you turned out.
ReplyDeleteI talked to my mom the expert being that she had 2 girls and I don't have a whole lot of experience (of course my sister was the difficult one). She recommended ignoring the tantrums as they are generally a way to get attention, good or bad. Once she realizes it is not getting her noticed she will ideally find another way to communicate with you. Understanding that it is difficult to ignore, especially in public places she said you can focus on positive reinforcement. Such as "we are going in the store and if you are good you can have pop on the way home" or whatever and if she acts up explain that is why she didn't get it and if she does good then obviously give what you have promised. Try small outings first so she has a better chance of succeeding and therefore getting her reward so she can apply that to longer outings. And as we talked about today just keep telling her how 'peaceful and calm' she is :)
ReplyDeleteKelly, thank you, that is some great things to try. I will let you know how they work. It's so funny because I learned all these strategies going to school for teaching, but when dealing with my own kids I forget to put what I know to practice.
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