ADD

A professional counselor has been on my back about getting some ADD evaluations done on myself. He is strongly suspicious that I might deal with it on a daily basis and have learned to deal with it in my everyday life (as stressful as it's been). I would STRONGLY agree with his suspicions and would love to get the evaluations done, but they are between $500-$800- YIKES (who has that extra money laying around for something like this)? As I have talked with my mom about the possibility of this being something I have, it seems so clear that I do. We can recall things from my childhood with behaviors in school and home. My struggles to remember and recall information I just learned or heard a minute ago. My lack of organization, or randomness throughout my life and the multiple times each teacher in each grade left comments on my report card that said "struggles with paying attention". I drive my husband crazy with my multiple, unnecessary, uncompleted tasks that I carry out in a day. Or for my constant doodling on everything, or fidgeting whenever we go someplace. I don't mean to be so spacey, but it's like I can't stop from thinking about 5 other things to do in an instant. I was washing the dishes the other day and in the middle of the water running I walked outside to get the mail....HUH?? Who does that!?
I feel like I so desperately want to be focused, organized, responsible, and slow my mind down, but I can't.

So tonight I was having dinner with a college friend that was telling me she recently discovered that she has ADD. It makes total sense, we were constantly trying to find things to do in college that would give us a break from studying things we wouldn't remember tomorrow. It was so nice to talk with someone who could understand and walk me through her journey and I could see myself on the same one. She has been on medication for the past year and she says it changed her life. So much that it was an instant change and she can remember crying tears of joy when she could stay focused on one task til it was fully complete.

I really want to get it figured out. I would love that freedom to focus and complete tasks. I frustrate myself so much with wondering why I do or don't do the things I do. I feel bad that I make somethings harder for Brenton because he is so focused and does stay on one task til it's complete. I know some people don't believe in ADD and say that it's over diagnosed, but I really think I have it. I just wish I could afford the evaluations so I could get something figured out as well. Until then, I will continue on being who I am and continue to try to find some peace of mind.