Have you ever wished it was 5 years later and when 5 years later comes you wish it was 5 years earlier. There have been a few times that I can remember having these uncontented thoughts and feelings. There was the time when I was a kid and all I wanted was to be older, now that I am older, I want to be a kid. Or when I was in College, all I wanted was to be an "adult" with a job and responsibilities and now, I would give anything to have a few careless nights back in college.
I think I am entering into one of those phases now. I want my kids to be a little older so they can be in school, so I can go back to work. And I guarantee that time will come and I will want them to be little again and spend my days with them at home. There have been some opportunities that have come to me over the past few months that cause me to think about going back to work. The thought of it is very exciting for me because I enjoy going to work. I have been really excited about some of the positions, but always as I am in the process I start worrying about my kids. I start thinking about wanting to be able to get them on the bus when they do go to school, and home to talk through the day with them. I think about being an active parent in their schools and being able to chaperone field trips and more. Then my mind switches over and wants to be working and climbing the corporate ladder. I want it all... and know that I can't. I know that I do work by running my own business, but I want to go to work, interact with people, and leave my work at work. Right now I feel like I am shuffling between being a stay at home mom and running an in home business. There is never enough of me to do both successfully (in my eyes). I can't not do Tupperware, we won't eat if I don't, so its a need in our home that I do bring in some income.
So, basically I want it all. I want more time in the day, I want it to be 5 years from now, but I want it to never change too. Why can't I be content with what I have? I love the Sheryl Crow lyrics that say... "it's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you got."
I can relate. We started an ECFE class today and I took pictures and teased Jon that it was Adelyn's first day of school. There is a part of me that already looks forward to her being in school and going to watch her band concerts or sporting events, whatever it may be. But I already miss her little baby phase when she would snuggle in my arms for hours. Crazy!
ReplyDeleteThat's great Sunday should work. Even if you work at 2:30 that should give us time to have lunch together and catch up. Jon's supposed to call Brenton today. I'm not sure where we are eating out but probably in Maple Grove.