Resolutions

I know I am late on this, but I couldn't really put into words what I wanted to set as a New Year's Resolution. Usually my resolutions are the same it's lose weight, get organized, finish reading one of the five books I started this year and read my Bible more. I do still want all of those things, but this year, I wanted to focus on one main thing, that I thought would enrich my life as well as my kids and husband. I have spent some time recently journaling, praying and reading the Bible searching for 'MORE GOD'.

It's always refreshing when I do set this time apart in my day and lay it all out there for God to hear. It's refreshing to know that no matter how much I "throw up" on him my worries, frustrations, desires, confessions, and everything else that it's exactly what he wants from me, from us. He cares to hear it all, even if I said it 100 times before or asked for 1000 times. I know He doesn't roll his eyes with frustration with me because I continue to make the same mistakes or say the same old thing.

As we have made this move to Northfield, I still have this piece in me that isn't able to settle in and think we are staying here. Because of this, I resist investing in starting relationships with people for the fear of having to say good-bye again. I have been resistant to getting fully involved in a church because when I do, I know I will give my all. Leaving past churches has left me to feel great loss and have to grieve for lost relationships-I don't really feel like I can do that again so soon. Now, these are all just worries I have placed on myself. I think one of my biggest downfalls is that I trust people quickl, which means I love people too quickly, BUT once the trust is broken, it sometimes never is restored fully. Maybe I should trust less, so the devastating effects are not so great?

Besides the normal life improvements I hope to make this year, my number one thing is this...
Thanks to Lysa's blog, I have the words to what I desire most in 2008. It comes from Matthew 5:8.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

There have been a number a times that I have "seen" God. As I think of those times, I know that those are the times where I felt the most peace, and usually they are the times when I should feel the most chaos. Those moments when I do see God, are too far in between. For seeing God more this year is what I am aiming for, and I love how Lysa states it:

"It doesn't say, "blessed is the perfect person."
It doesn't say, "blessed is the woman who has perfect Biblical knowledge."
It doesn't say, "blessed is the one who never misplaces library books."
It doesn't say, "blessed is the mom who never messes up with her kids."

Nope. It says blessed is that woman whose heart is pure. In other words, "blessed is that woman who lives in expectation of seeing God- who looks for and acknowledges Him- whose greatest desire is to see God--- for she certainly will."

So whether your scenery today consists of beautiful mountains or mountains of laundry--- look for Him--- make the choice to acknowledge Him- choose to see Him--- and then you will."

There is nothing greater than seeing God, it's a place I wish I could always stay, but for now, I pray for a pure heart so I will see HIM in all I do.