Monday, March 31, 2008

Let me clarify

Forgive me for I am an ESFP- I often times speak before I think all the way through my thought, or should I say, I push publish before I read through what I wrote. I am referring to the daycare post. A close friend of mine and had a good conversation about the issue in the media and my issue with not putting our children in daycare. But my friend helped me see that what I should have said is:
What happened is a horrible and sad thing that I hope no parent ever has to go through.

Our conversation got me thinking and I am would love your feedback:

Why do you or don't you stay home with your children? Or why did you or didn't you stay home with your kids?

The topic has me highly intrigued by how people make the choices they do, especially when it comes to family. Being that I do stay home, I come in contact with several stay at home moms and we are usually all on the same page, so the topic of conversation never comes up. I never think someone is wrong for putting their children- nor do I think someone is perfectly right for not putting them in day care. Believe me, some days I think my children and I would all be better off if they were in daycare. I often times I am doing them more harm than good. And to be honest, we are going to need to cross that child care issue soon as I begin to think about returning to the work force. I pray daily about the best choices for our family, for me and for bringing glory to God.
Please let me know how or why you have chosen or chose the path you and your family chose.


  1. Nikki stays home with the kids, but the choice wasn't because good daycare isn't out there. Because, I know it is. I've seen it. We chose to have someone at home because if our children are in daycare 10 hours a day, someone else is raising our kids.

    As far as my comments earlier, I don't believe that daycare abuse is more pervasive than parental abuse. I actually think that daycare abuse would get reported more than parental abuse. Lot easier to cover one's tracks if your the parent.

    Not everyone actually has the choice to stay at home with the kids. There are single parents, then there are parents who need two incomes to pay the rent.

  2. I fully agree with you Chris. I too have seen good daycare. I also wholeheartedly know that single parents have no choice and that it's not an option at all for families. I am not disagreeing with you at all! I hope you see that.

  3. As you know Stephy, I stay home almost full time with Andrew. We made this choice for a few reasons, some of which were already said:

    1) To be in daycare 9 or 10 hours a day we would feel like someone else is raising our child
    2) To teach him about God. Many daycares cannot or will not teach him...and people/institutions that do may have different ideas about Jesus
    3) To discipline properly...we are pro spanking. NO daycare and no other people outside of family should or would discipline properly. They would be left with begging and bartering as means of getting obedience. Not good means.

    It's true some have to have two incomes to make it...but let's call a spade a spade. Many if not most are making a lifestyle decision. Most could afford to cut cost and keep someone home. If I offend, so be it.

  4. Hi Steph - As I've chosen to stay home I've also been intrigued by how people make this important choice for their own families.

    Personally, I feel strongly that it is my real calling in life to be a mother, I could imagine nothing more rewarding or important then raising our children - from morning till night and everything in between.

    Thanks for bringing up these weighty topics, it's vital to seek understanding and respect in different viewpoints.

    Parenting is certainly a wild, beautiful journey! Take care, Katy

  5. I will put my 2 cents in. I work part time and I am blessed with a job that allows me to do that. I feel as though I have the best of both worlds. I have to agree that in a lot of instances, people who say that can't afford to live without 2 incomes may be able to if they changed their lifestyle. I think everything is a trade off. Since I am not in the workplace full time, we have to make choices to not have or not do things, but that is what we think is best for our family. To respond to the comment about abuse happening both in the home by a parent and in daycare, both which are terrible for the innocent child involved, I say this.---It's one thing to want the best for your child, find someone that you think you trust to care for them and then find out that they have been abusing your son or daughter., and a whole other situation to have the parent perform the abuse. I would not wish either upon any child, and I would love if child abuse did not exist, but that is not the reality.

    Steph, what are you thinking now??

  6. Hey Steph!

    Ed and I chose to have me stay at home for many of all the reasons already listed. I went back to work in January of 2006 until June of 2006. I finally quit (long after I knew I should have) because of what it was doing to my family. We were gone from 7 am in the morning until 7 pm at night. The mornings and evenings were always rushed, and I was constantly irritated about something.

    I am thankful that I now have the opportunity to work from home because I have the flexibility of being where God leads me on a daily basis. For example, today one of my best friends needed some help with her daughter. I was able to go bring them lunch and hang out with them for awhile before I headed to Lincoln Elementary to pick up David.

    Many good comments have been made. Thanks for vocalizin your thoughts and opening it up to others. Good discussion!

  7. I have to agree with Shelly that working part time might just be the best of both worlds. Especially if you have someone you love and trust to take care of your children while you work. I worked one year part time and loved it. After working 3 days I felt like I was anxious to spend time with Adelyn and her with me. It allowed me to be refreshed and more creative with the time we had together. Also I wasn't as dependent on Jon for my socializing as I had good opportunities as work to chat with the ladies. And Adelyn was getting love and attention from other people.

    My first month home with the 2 girls has gone by quickly but it is definitly more challenging to be home 7 days vs 4. I am thankful that I don't have to worry about going back to work right now and love the time with my girls but I wouldn't say it will be easy by any means. Staying at home is hard work!

  8. My friend does daycare... and she is good at it. She becomes attached to the kids and loves them like her own. However, I also know the struggles she has to go through on a daily basis. The comment above about dicipline in daycare was spot-on. The punishment in her daycare (because the law and her license do not allow physical punishment) is a time out. She has had biters, hitters, hair pullers (and I mean pulling hair out of the head) and the only thing she can do is put the kid in a time out. She talks with the offender's parents and most times they just blow it off and say "they're just going through a stage." She has had to let kids go because she was afraid for the safety of the other kids and the babies she takes care of.

    It's not that I think daycare is bad. There will always be good daycare providers and not so good daycare providers just like every other profession. And like stated above, there are some good reasons to use them. A single parent is an obvious example. I just think that it is silly to pay someone to raise your children if there is a way that one of the parents can stay home. Most of the people that I know who have kids in daycare pay out a hefty portion of their wages to the daycare. It leaves them with pocket change and lost family time.

    When Dustin and I started our family we decided that one of us would stay home with the kids. We have had to make lifestyle changes, that is for sure, but really it's more about tracking your spending. Cutting out a few "quick trips" to Target where you lay down $100 or not eating out really makes a big difference.

    There have definitely been times when I think that the kids (and I)would be better off if they were in daycare. Those days are tough. But in the end I know that our choice was the right one for us.


Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. We appreciate it.