Do you ever feel like a Mama (or Daddy) Drill Sargent? I feel like this all the time. I am constantly barking out orders to do this...don't do this... say this.... don't say this.... stop that... go there.... say your sorry....settle down... stop running... hurry up... pick up that... put that there.... use your inside voice... I can't hear you....
This can't be how it is suppose to be as a parent, or at least it's not how I dreamed it to be when I was young. I feel as if I do this day in and day out and I feel emotionally exhausted, frustrated, and ready to put on my own straight jacket and check myself into the mental clinic. I'm not sure what needs to change, maybe it's me (I know this is a HUGE part), but I don't know how change. Are my expectations too high? Are the demands on me from others to high? Is our schedule too rushed and chaotic that I am missing time to teach and train so instead I shout, point and expect them to do what I said and know exactly what I meant? Is it just the stage of life? I don't want to make excuses for it- it is something I hope to change about myself in 2009. My fear from past experiences with God is that I will pray for patience and as he begins to do a work in me of change, the struggles and challenges grow more intense, so that I persevere through to achieve patience. I'm honestly not sure if I have it in me right now to deal with anything else to get to that place of patience I am seeking. And that is the first step of my problem- not having the confidence to believe I can do it.
It is my hope in 2009 to stop washing the dishes, put the dish rag down, get down at their eye level and explain to them what it is I want them to do. If I need to walk over and do it with them, model it (3 or 4 times) than it is my goal to do that. I will probably have eaten off half my tongue from biting it so I don't shout with my natural reaction, but rather, I take a deep breathe and remember that I am learning to parent in a new way. Just as I used this blog 2 years ago to start a weight loss journey, I will now use it as an accountability to 'parenting with patience'- I pray that my time in the military is finished and that I move into a time of modeling and teaching. I don't want my kids to be shouters, so I need to lead by example and stop myself.
If you are reading this, you have just entered into this new journey with me- thanks for taking baby steps with me and I hope to report some positive progress, please pass your tips my way to get a grip and chill out.