Food for Thought

It seems that so much of my thinking in the day is spent on food. In fact, much of my life I have thought about food and weight. I wasn't blessed with :skinny genes" so ever since I can remember (except while pregnant, which I paid for later) I have had to think about what I was eating and how it would effect my body. I swear if I look at a brownie I will gain weight. Yet, most times I still do choose the wrong foods at the wrong times, which continues my cycle and focus on food and weight.
Now, if its not me worrying about my own eating choices, then it's me making sure that Andrew is eating enough to gain wait and on the flip side making sure that Jake is not eating too much (he's like a horse, if you don't move the feed bag- he will eat forever).
Why does food consume so much of my thinking. I can remember back when I was on my quest to lose 60lbs, I had to continually tell myself- "Eat to live, don't live to eat" and "Remember, you want smaller jeans!" When will those thoughts become my new way of life? And why does it seem that healthy, nutritious foods are so expensive? Why doesn't the government do something about that, rather than continue to tell us that we are fat!? We already know we are fat, everywhere we turn in this country we are reminded we are fat (I use 'we' more as me). We don't need reminders, which only make us more depressed- so we eat. What we need is change.
I have often laughed at the whole "organic" concept, partly because I think some of it's a scam, but also in part because I can't afford it. So, if I tell myself I don't need to change to organic to be healthy, then I won't be so bummed out about the cost. But let's be honest, now days people make others feel like they are eating unhealthy if they didn't get their produce from the local co-op or organic section. I could be buying broccoli, but if it comes from the "normal" produce section, then I am poisoning myself and my family for eating it. I can't win!
And one more thing, we don't have a garden and we don't compost our leftovers. I would love to- I really would. I would love for a professional gardener to come in a teach us all to do it, then walk along with us, so we make sure we are going along correctly. But I need to be honest with myself and realize there are some things I am good at and others I am not, so I shouldn't try to be someone I am not- I am still trying to convince myself and everyone around me that I am organized, I haven't let that dream die yet.
So, here I am thinking about what to make for dinner and how to make it healthy, flavorful, enough calories for Andrew, but not too many for the rest of us, and inexpensive. Most moms already have too much to think about it a day, it would be so great if food and meals could be easier to deal with everyday. From what I know from older adults this cycle will never change, and I don't really expect it to- I think I just needed to get that off my mind- thanks for reading.