Fat chic

Today marks a day that I hope to soon forget. For most of my life, I have always seen myself as the 'fat chic'. I know it's not a nice phrase, but I've always thought that. I think the only true reason I never became anorexic is because I love food too much. It's like an addition for me. Just as an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, I would say I am addicted to food. (I use the term addiction because it’s the only word that best describes my lack control in not over eating) So basically for as long back as I can remember I have seen myself as the fat chic. Recently, I saw some pictures of myself taken back in college, and some at my wedding. I look and can see now, that I in truth was not fat at all, so why did I think I was? I think back to the amount of time I spent in the weight room, health clubs, and on the basketball court and I think, how on earth could I have been fat, I always seemed to take care of myself. Well, I am 4.5 years into marriage and 3 kids later, and I can truthfully say for the first time, that I really am the fat chic. I officially weigh more today than I ever have before in my life. I am in the largest size clothes I have ever been in, and I feel the worst (physically) that I ever have! So, what do I do about it, because I don't want to just complain about it. I have tried program diets, starving sessions, reading books, watching shows, and drank shakes. You name it, I've tried it. I think about losing weight and being smaller more than anything else in my day. The one true thing I have not tried is being vulnerable, honest with myself and others, and HARD WORK! I guess you can say I was looking for instant gratification.
So here it is. I plan on using my readers of this blog as an accountably group. If anyone else wants to join the group let me know so I can add you to my list. What I plan to do is to be VERY real almost to the point to TMI (Too much Information) and embarrassment of myself. I need to honest with myself and others about the control issues I have with food. I need to bring the dark sides of this addiction into the light and hope that others can encourage, support, and walk through this journey with me. I plan on journaling my daily food intakes, weekly weigh-ins, my temptations, failures and successes.

This is very uncharacteristic of me to open up my life like this on something that is so public. So over the next couple of days I hope to come up with a plan to start taking back control of what and how much I eat. I hope to lose 60+ pounds the healthy way not just for myself, but for my husband, and for my kids. I know I will have more energy to run and play with them and I have a lesser chance of dying from heart disease or some other obesity disease at an early age. And let's not forget that this is the body that God gave to me to take care of and not abuse. I need to honor that as well.

I would love help in making a plan. Here are a couple things to remember. First, we don’t have much money. A healthy club membership is rather expensive these days. And if I can afford the membership, I can’t afford the babysitter cost on top of that. Second, along with the lack of unlimited funds, healthy food is expensive! It’s much cheaper to serve up a box of Hamburger helper, than it is to buy all the ingredients for a salad or whole grain, low fat meal. Third, my husband works strange hours, and I have 3 small children. So if you have some suggestions working with these 3 criteria let me know.

So, I welcome EVERYONE into the journey with me and invite some of you to do it with me, but I am serious about ending this fat chic cycle of my life. Please stay tuned to find out what will happen next...