Bad Attitude

I am embarrassed to admit that as I read through this article, I thought it was written about me. This is only part of it, to read the whole thing click here.

In one of our recent seminars, a mother complained to Debi, “The children frustrate me so much...

...I tell them to do their school work, and they just piddle around. I tell them to clean up their rooms, and they fuss over who is to clean up what. They are always irritating one another. It frustrates me so much, trying to cause them to maintain a good attitude. They are always complaining and whining about something. I get frustrated and spank them, but it seems to do no good. They just don’t seem to care. They pick on each other continuously. I get so frustrated....” Debi interrupted her mournful complaints to answer, “Yes, it is an attitude problem.” The weary mother hastily agreed, “That’s it! They have bad attitudes.” Debi responded, “No, it’s you that has the bad attitude.” The mother’s widening eyes and gaping mouth expressed her dismay as she stood waiting for the forthcoming explanation.

Are you a frustrated parent? Is your brow drawn tight as if pulled by draw strings? If parenting is not enjoyable, be assured, you have a bad attitude. When your children look into your face what do they see? They are not fooled. They know what you feel toward them. Your face is a graph of approval or rejection. Verbal “positive affirmation” is not enough; in fact, it is worse than nothing if there is not genuine delight in your heart. Children can see through a parent who is made of muddy water. If they see disappointment and criticism they will answer in kind. Discontented parents breed discontented children. Your attitude is the root of the family attitude tree. A bitter root cannot produce sweet fruit.

Parental attitudes are highly contagious, and the children usually come down with a worse case. “More is caught than taught.” And children seem more highly susceptible to catching a bad attitude than of being taught to have a good one. They can catch the disease of bad attitude while being passive. On the other hand, they must exert themselves to have a good attitude.

Your children are playing follow-the-leader. They are deaf to your words, but they “hear” your attitude loud and clear. Example has always been more effective than theory. Where parents are constantly modeling the bad attitude; a good attitude is just a theoretical concept to the child. Try as they may, they can’t quite fathom the meaning of a good attitude—it has been so long since they have seen one. If you dress your children in tight pinching shoes, don’t blame them for having sore feet.

The bad news is that you are responsible for the condition of your children. The good news is that you don’t have to be frustrated over attempting to change them. You only need to change yourself. Since their attitudes are reflections of your own, you need only change your attitude, and the reflections will change.

I know you are only expressing your displeasure over their foolishness. You are using your disapproving scowl as a threat to induce them to shame. They are supposed to so crave your approval that they make great sacrifices to win your smile. It is not working is it? Actually, you are working against the very thing you desire to achieve.