Looking at the sweet face Izzy makes in this picture, one might believe she is a precious little princess who could do no wrong. What's the famous saying, "Pictures can be deceiving." I don't know if that's it exactly, but this picture is truly deceiving of my little Izzy.
From the day Isabelle was born she has made herself known with her continuous loud screaming as an infant to her now sassy tone and talk. She is my hardest child to deal with, to understand, and sometimes to like. I have prayed for her and over her more than the boys combined. I have shed more tears about being a parent to her more than the boys combined. I really don't know what else to do with her or for her.
We have raised the 3 kids relatively the same from my point of view (someone slap me with reality if this is not true- please!) The boys can get a wild hair every once and awhile where they want to walk the line of defiance and disobedience just to see what they can get away with. I think that's normal- I did it myself. The difference with the boys and with Izzy is that, she doesn't care about the consequence or correction. The boys will quickly come to a place of repentance. Not Izzy. She will apologize, serve her time, and 10 minutes later make the same bad choice with the same bad attitude as if she knew she was making the same bad choice, but didn't care about the consequence again.
We had a few episodes tonight before bed, so I probably sound like a very negative parent, but I have had it! Her is the hard truth- I do not like being around her. I can't tell you a time that I've said I had 1 full great day with her. She makes my life very stressful and our home very stressful. It's as if nothing I have taught her about how to talk to people, how to treat people, or what is ok or not ok has sunken in. Today I feel like throwing in the towel with her, because she shows no signs of "getting it" or wanting to get it.
So that brings me here to this blog entry. First, I read my devotional on wisdom- itronically it was about discipline (Proverbs 15). I then proceeded to cry my eyes out wondering how I had gone so wrong with her, wondering if she was doomed to have a life of definace and disobeience and desperatlely asking God to deal with her because clearly I wasn't doing it correctly. Finally, I called Brenton at work to vent some more and here I am, venting to anyone that is still reading this.
I LOVE my daughter, I would give my life for her, I would travel to the moon and back for her. But to be honest in this moment, I don't like her- and I am not sure what she needs from me, to make her a more enjoyable person to be around because she is bringing me and others around her down.