Friday, September 11, 2009

I am an active volcano

I think a volcano is a perfect object to describe my parenting. As I wake in the morning, I seem calm and controlled....

As we begin the day, I am able to stay calm, but I then begin to feel the heat inside me building up a little. I still have control of myself and the situations around me, but I am starting to get steamed up quicker...

Finally, usually right around dinner time, I can't take hearing my name any more, I can't take the tattling, I lose control, I lose all sense of reality and the heat that has been simmering just below the surface begins to rise, until I can't do anything else about it, and I erupt...

I will be the first to admit, I hate this about myself. It's one thing I strive to work on daily. I try to remove my emotions from the situation and stay calm. I even had a friend ask me the other day, if there is anything that can get me fired up, because he thought I was always just calm and go with the flow. At first I thought he was joking, but I realized he was serious. I laughed inside, thinking, I should go into acting because I would win an academy award for sure.
I feel like I wear all my emotions right on my sleeve and pant leg. Once that thought passed, I thought more seriously about his comment, then felt convicted that maybe I don't really show the real me to people. I've never meant to deceive people about who I am or what I am about. So, here it is- I am an emotional roller coaster in my day to day life. I am constantly doubting choices I make, things I say, and places I go. I struggle with fear, trust, and patience (I am sure more, but can't think of them right now). I love to be around people, no matter what we are doing- I could do nothing all day long with the a group of people that I love to be with. I question myself daily about what is "BEST" for our children, and struggle to be the a great wife. With all that said, I try not to sweat the small stuff in life, I try to be see both sides of every situation before I get all bent out of shape, and I try to live a life that will bring God glory. And day by day, I start out like the dormant volcano, and usually by the end of each day, we have at least one explosion, but I am trying to work on that! Any questions?

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