Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I didn't get any money on my pay day.

I can no longer call myself a full time stay-at-home mom. Actually I lost that title a while ago, but I still claim being a mom as my first job and my "real" full time job. As any SAH mom can attest to- it's HARD work. I think any mom works hard, but there is something extra draining about hanging out with little people that can't do anything for themselves and insist that everything you do is wrong, and tell you repeatedly that they wish their dad was home. This happens for 8 to 10 hours in a row all while you serve them and meet every waking need they have, only to be thanked when you ask, "what do you say?". There are no logical, rational or intelligent conversations happening in the day. There are no spontaneous outings for lunch with friends, unless it's to McDonald's play land. There is no paycheck coming in to help remind us that there is a purpose or "reward" for all this emotional juggling.
However, in the past 2 weeks I felt as if I did receive a paycheck for all the hard work in years past. I bragged in an earlier post about Isabelle's preschool conference. Last night, I had Jacob's spring conference- and I walked out of that conference feeling so proud of the person Jacob is when we are not around. I told Brenton it felt like I had just received a nice paycheck or bonus check. There really was no money involved, but I was able to see the fruits of my labor shine through. I was so pleased to hear that Jacob is respectful and listens to the teacher. I smiled when his teacher said he was a friend to everyone and has a positive attitude everyday in class. I love that he is doing so well in math and reading because I think of the countless practice sheets and books we did starting when he was 3.
I never knew I could be so proud of my children. And as much as I want to take full credit for their success- I really need to pass the credit to their creator. I have been praying over them since they were in my womb and several times since then. I have been on my knees more than I would like to say about feeling like a failure as a mom. I DON'T have it all together, and most days I don't know which direction I am going, but I do know we (God, Brenton and I) are working together to do the best we can with the cards we've been dealt.
And as I think about how proud I am of Jacob and Isabelle, it gives me hope that someday, the little 3 year old in my house that keeps me very humble as a parent, will also one day (Lord willing) have a great conference that I can be proud of- Right now, that seems a long time off. :)
** This is ONLY my reflection of our children and my feelings- I am NOT saying that you need to be a SAH mom (in case you feel attacked)**

1 comment:

  1. what a wonderful post, steph. just the encouragement i needed today! :)


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