Thursday, June 10, 2010

Please rewind

For the past 6 years, I've wanted to speed up time. I can remember looking at Jake as a newborn wanting him to be old enough to smile at me. Then when he smiled, I wanted to get to the place where he could sit up alone. And then I dreamed of the days of playing ball together or talking about life and starting kindergarten. I always wanted to rush into the next phase of his (and all the kids) lives without embracing the phase we were in.
Today as I sat at Jacob's kindergarten graduation, I finally realized I wanted to freeze time! I didn't want him to get a day older. I didn't want him to be done with kindergarten. And I didn't want the years to keep flying by, because I know it's going to happen faster than I really want it to, even if I complain about the daily headaches. As I remember back to September when I sent Jake off to kindergarten for the first day- I was bubbling over with excitement for him. I was so excited about all that he was about to learn, the friends he would make, and the projects he would bring home to me. I remember people asking if I was sad to send him off, and I thought that was a weird question. Why would I be sad about this great learning adventure he was about to begin? But today, I realized everything is happening way too fast! I want to press rewind and do some of the years over because I think I missed some things.
I sat in his kindergarten celebration trying not to let the tears stream down my face, but as soon as they played the slide show with Lonestar singing, "Let Them Be Little" I couldn't stop the flow.
As I drove away from the school, I started to dread all the "next phases" ahead. I almost started to panic as I thought about the day he would graduate from High School and move to college and then someday get married. Make it stop, make it stop!!!

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